


Reconciliation

by CaviarandCigarettes



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Glambert, Sauli Koskinen - Fandom, Sauli Koskinen RPF, Tommy Ratliff (Musician), Tommy Ratliff - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 08:05:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3970297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaviarandCigarettes/pseuds/CaviarandCigarettes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The road back into the arms of the one you love and have always loved may not be the easiest, but if there's something still there then who knows?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reconciliation

Some days Sauli struggled to get up, but in those days it was okay. He would wake up the beautiful rock star sleeping next to him and moan something that resembled the words breakfast, coffee or just maybe a hug. Hugs were like magic, not because of what would sometimes happen but because Adam seemed to envelope him perfectly in his arms and squeeze all of the problems away. It's not that this morning Sauli was feeling particularly troubled, but it was the first night he had slept alone in his own bed after the split and he wasn't ready to see the light peeking through the drapes. He just wanted to close his eyes and think but he knew his thoughts were painful, but Adam invaded his thoughts so fast just like he had with his heart. He remembered the past few weeks, they were fine. No more or less arguing, a few silly ones but work just forced them apart. Even though they had broken up Sauli stayed with Adam for a few days after the split and they tried to work on things, but there was nothing to work on. They loved each other. They cared for each other. The whole split was because Adam thought it would be best to set Sauli free, mainly because he could see the strain it was putting on him, so Sauli woke up feeling alone and the worst he had felt in all the years they'd been together. He had some really rubbish moments when Adam and he wouldn't talk for days, but nothing ever this painful. He rolled over, took a T-shirt out of his bag that he'd taken from Adam and started to sob into it. The tears echoed around his small flat for a few minutes before he fell back to sleep. 

A few weeks passed, every morning Sauli would wake up reach across his bed hoping for the warm touch of the other man he loved so deeply but nothing. He wanted to call him every morning and night just to talk about their days, just to hear the mans voice again, but even when they were together they never did that. Sauli checked his phone several hundred times a day looking for a text or something, but nothing. Adam hadn't even tweeted or been on social media. Was Adam in the same state as Sauli? That was all that Sauli had stuck in this mind, until that day when he checked and saw a photo of Adam at a party with Terrance. He sighed, well at least he was okay or so Sauli thought. He couldn't help but like Terrance's photo, he was happy for Adam and he was happy that Adam was managing to go out and have fun again. Maybe he would feel up to it soon? Or at least he hoped. 

As the days began to get a little easier Sauli thought he would message Adam, after all he had just heard of some amazing news that his 'baby boy' was touring with Queen. He wasn't sure that Adam had told him before the break up so thought he would drop him a text just to congratulate him. "Hi, well done." He wrote and then deleted it telling himself to be normal with Adam, he knew Adam would know something was up if he just sent him something like that. "Hey, just seen your awesome news. That's such a big thing for you and your career, I'm so happy for you. You'll have a blast!" Yes, that's much better he thought before pressing send. 

Because of the time difference Adam didn't receive the message until a few hours after it was sent because he was sleeping. He saw Sauli's name on his phone and even though they were no longer together his heart still skipped a beat. Adam still loved the younger man and hoped that Sauli had understood the reason behind the split and still loved him too. It was the first time that he had heard off Sauli since the break up, Adam didn't want to press Sauli to talk as he knew that it would have hit him hard. As his phone clicked as he typed in his passcode, the one thing he never seemed to forget no matter how busy he was was Sauli's date of birth; as he typed it in he smiled as it was the one thing that made him still feel close to Sauli. It was the one thing that hadn't changed whereas everything else was barely recognisable compared to the times when they were together. As he swiped the phone and opened the message he hoped that it was something positive, not that he really expected anything nasty from Sauli. He knew that he was not like that.

Adam had been having nightmares where Sauli hated him which had haunted his nights when he finally got to bed. However as he read the message he was unsure what Sauli meant by it. It seemed like a nice message but he had an odd feeling about it. His gut reaction was to call Sauli, so decided he would reply to the text seeing if he was free to talk. Several hours later Sauli replied and said that a phone call would be okay, even though he was unsure about talking to the other man and if he would be able to hold himself together on the phone.

\---

Sauli felt his phone vibrate in his pocket as he was running, so without even looking pressed the button on his headphones stopping the music that was playing and speaking breathlessly down the phone. He thought anyone that had his personal number instead of his business number wouldn't mind hearing him exercising. "Hello?" He answered waiting for the other person to speak curious of who it would be. 

"God, I'm not interrupting am I?" Adam spoke wondering a little why Sauli was out of breath on the phone. His mind knowing it could be a few things but instantly thought it may be one of the dirtier explanations. Especially if he had seen that it was Adam, Sauli wouldn't have minded. Or at least he thought he wouldn't, because in all seriousness he had heard worse than a slightly out of breath Sauli. He had heard him come undone underneath and on top of him, oh the sounds that he had heard. 

"Oh, hi." Sauli sat down on a piece of grass that was near him. He had always ran the same route in his local park so knew that that spot was okay to stop at, even though his legs may not say the same when he'd try to get back up. "No, was running. Thought you were calling earlier, and you didn't. So went for a run." Sauli's words ran through his head before he finally spoke them wanting to not sound anyway hurt. "How's everything been?" 

Adam couldn't help but think of Sauli doing another activity that got him this out of breath, he couldn't deny to anyone that he was still attracted to this man and even a few months after the break up, he was still having dreams of him. Dreams that went from cute, to sexual to damn right bizarre, but Sauli didn't have to know any of this. "Good, sorry I didn't call sooner though. I was about to then I forgot that I had to sort things with Brian for an interview we were doing then I went out for lunch and literally just..." He went quiet for a few seconds before he heard Sauli laugh. "What?" 

"You forgot, it's fine. Busy life of a rockstar." 

"No, no, I mean. Well yes, I forgot. Sorry I haven't spoken much either, just thought you'd need time. We both did really." Sauli could hear the sadness in Adam's voice, the one thing that he was trying so desperately to hide was something that Adam felt too. All Sauli wanted to do was hug this man so tight but he knew that they couldn't, the feelings could have been too painful. "Are you okay?" 

Sauli heard Adam's voice crack and he desperately wanted to be honest and say that he wasn't, and he was missing Adam and dreaming of him every night but instead found himself saying something completely different. "Yeah, I'm really good. Got some job offers coming in," which was a lie but he has to say something, right? "Oh and Ryan is sorting out some more modelling for me." He never wanted to lie to Adam but couldn't telling him the truth because he knew if he admitted the truth that he would end up crying on the phone. 

"That's brilliant Baby Boy, I mean, that's great." Adam couldn't help but feel all his emotions flood back, he was fine until he heard Sauli's voice. Even watching videos and looking at pictures hadn't hurt this much, he needed to say something but what? "Sorry, so Queen, fucking amazing isn't it? We are thinking of a world tour too." He said changing the subject ever so slightly. 

Sauli smiled, he knew that Adam had always admired Freddie Mercury and Queen so he understood how big this was for Adam. After all one of the first things he'd seen after googling and youtubing the young star when they first met was Adam's American Idol audition, "like a dream come true. So proud of you." He had no idea if he could still say that to Adam, that he was proud of him or not, but he'd said it. 

"You'll have to come to see us, I can get you in." Adam blurted out without thinking, "if you want?" He added quite sheepishly after realising what he said. 

"Yeah, maybe. If I can get time off." Sauli knew he could get a few days off if he really needed it, after all his work schedule wasn't as hectic as he let it on to be. "Where will you be again?" He asked this even though he had already looked at the dates on his phone numerous times thinking of how and where he could possibly see Adam without actually seeing him, or finding a way to say that he had business in America and bumping into him. 

"I'll send you an email with all the dates on." Adam said smiling looking through his iPad for the note on his calendar and sending it across. "Just let me know and I'm sure Brian can sort something for you. After all, you... He's heard about you." 

"Okay. Um, anyway, I need to go. It's starting to rain and I think I've left the windows open and you know what the bedroom one is like?" Sauli said unsure of what he wanted to do anymore. Part of him wanted to scream down the phone at Adam, another part just wanted to say 'I love you' and something else in him just wanted to become their roadie. 

"Run and talk, it's fine. I don't mind hearing you out of breath." Adam said smirking. "It's not like I haven't before." 

"Careful you, I know what you're thinking. I don't think that's good for both of us right now." Sauli said lying again, he thought if he were Pinocchio his nose would have been nearly as long as he was tall by now. The whole of this conversation was a lie, he would've quite happily let Adam take advantage of him, but knew he would hurt afterwards and not in the good way that Adam had done so before. 

Adam nodded as if Sauli could see him, "yeah, maybe you're right. Sorry again." He couldn't help but flir, it was in his nature to do so, and there was something about hearing Sauli's voice again just made the devil inside come out to play again.

"Hey it's cool." Sauli replied trying to sound sorry for obviously hurting Adam a little there. 

"I get it, I really do. Don't worry. I... I will let you go, just let me know if you can make it, and I hope your sheets don't need changing and you catch the window in time." Adam had no idea why Sauli's words had yanked his heart strings so much but he felt so bad for dropping the innuendos in like he used to. 

"Hey!" Sauli spoke having the strangest feeling in his gut, "don't be silly Lambert," he heard Adam's voice change from the confident man to a strangely apologetic man, the man he heard some nights when they had argued or something had happened that really didn't sit well with either of them. "You really do need to stop being sorry, nothing you did. Just us. You know what we said, work and everything. I will try and see your show though." He smiled trying to get up off the grass, his legs not allowing him to. "If not I'm sure there's something else or some other time." His legs finally managing to support him and not feel like jelly. "Fuck my legs hurt though, shouldn't have stopped running. Looks like I will be walking home, not running" 

Adam tried to keep the conversation light and laughed, "I'm supposed to be the old man, remember?" He joked as Sauli was only a few years younger than he was, but he would joke so many times that he felt so old and out of shape sometimes compared to the Finn. "Are you not working out now you're.... home?" Adam gave a small pause, he wasn't sure where Sauli was now he was away from him, he could've been anywhere but he insinuated that he was back home now in Finland as he mentioned the bedroom window that he knew too well to be dodgy. Suddenly as soon as they broke up he didn't like that word, Sauli's home was so far from what they called home once upon a time. Adam had always believed that home was where the heart was and Sauli still had his heart and he hoped that Sauli still thought of him that way. 

"I guess I should say yes I have been, but seriously, I haven't had the time. And cramp is just stupid in this weather." Sauli had taken a few steps before he felt his legs wake up properly and yelled something down the phone that Adam recognised from their arguments or from when they were having sex. He was sure it translated roughly into something like "fuck" or "shit" but never did ask Sauli what he meant. "Maybe I need to walk slower, and get back to training too." 

Adam and Sauli spoke the whole time it took Sauli to get home to his little apartment and for a little longer after until Sauli's phone died. He picked up his iPad and emailed Adam: "It was nice talking to you again, sorry my phone died but I will check my work schedule and as soon as I know what's happening I let you know." He toyed with a few kisses after the message and decided a simple smilie would do the trick. 

\--- 

Sauli felt a familiar buzz in his pocket and looked down at his phone as he pulled it out and saw the name which still made his face light up. He had rushed from the airport to the hotel and then to the venue to see Adam and the guys from Queen do the iHeart radio show. It had been so long since he had been to California, he couldn't help but book the same hotel that Adam had taken him to, but now he was looking at his phone in a crowded theatre full of fans of both Adam and Queen wondering if he should tell Adam he was here, or just see if he spotted him. In a room full of people, and with the lights down low, he doubted Adam would ever spot him so sent a simple message challenging Adam to find him in the crowd. 

\---

After the show he looked at his phone, two messages “you were by the chic with my tour top on?” he smiled, he was next to someone with the Glam Nation Tour top on. After reading the second message, “she had blue hair?” Sauli know that Adam had spotted him. And replied that he was correct. 

As he stood in the lobby, unsure if he should go back to the hotel or not he thought he would wait ten minutes and if Adam hadn't replied then he would go back to the hotel. Just as he was about to leave Sauli heard a woman calling his name and thought it was another one of Adam's fan's wanting a photo, so turned around and smiled. “Sauli, Kok... Koskineen?” The woman shouted, she walked up to the Finn and leant into him and spoke softly, “Adam wants you to follow me, backstage.” He smiled and nodded following the petite woman. 

\--- 

Adam pulled Sauli into hug after the door to his dressing room closed, “I knew it was you. I've missed you.” The truth was he missed Sauli's scent, even though he smelled slightly sweaty from dancing along all night surrounded by thousands of people, Adam couldn't help but breath every inch of the other man in. 

Adam's breath sent tingles down Sauli neck as he felt the other man take a deep breath, “well I couldn't turn down free tickets to see you perform with Queen. I meant it Adam, I'm so proud. I know how long you've wanted this, it's a shame Freddie isn't still here.” Sauli pulled back, the shivers from being only separated by a thin layer of fabric getting to him. After all it was his first time seeing the man since their farewell sex the morning before Adam dropped him at the airport. “You did them all proud.” 

Sauli couldn't help but want to kiss Adam, there was something about seeing the other man perform that did something to him inside but he fought every urge and just sat on the sofa in the dressing room. “So what're you and the guys doing now?” Sauli enquired hoping that Adam was doing nothing special so that they could spend some time together. 

“Well Roger's son is here and we were going to hit the clubs, you're welcome to come. I want you to come to, especially as you've flown all this way. Or we can just go to a bar, wherever you're staying and have a few quiet drinks?” Adam answered hoping not to sound needy, but he really did want to spend some time staring at the beautiful man. 

The door knocked and a younger looking Roger poked his head around the door, “ready... Oh, I didn't know you had company?” Rufus noticed the way Adam was looking at Sauli. “I told dad that I would have dinner with him and Brian tonight, as I haven't seen him in a while. So want to postpone it? Still a little jet-lagged too, to be honest.” 

Adam got up and left Sauli on the sofa speaking softly to Rufus “sure?” 

“Yeah, tomorrow. Looks like you have a lot to catch up on with your friend. I can see the look in your eye, something isn't right? Or something is very right?” Rufus answered squeezing Adam's shoulder. “Sort out what you need to and we can get wasted soon. You can tell me all about it then when you're slaughtered.” 

Adam nodded and mouthed the words thank you to Rufus before he left. “Looks like we are going back to yours, or mine?” 

“Well, I don't mind.” Sauli shrugged. 

“Yours then.” Adam said taking Sauli's hand pulling him up, just like it was second nature. “I... Uh...” He said pulling his hand back. “Yeah, yours.” 

* 

They had been drinking for a few hours now and Adam and Sauli were beginning to get more and more drunk, Sauli was draped against Adam staring into his eyes and Adam's hand was getting further and further up Sauli's leg. “Should we really be doing this?” Sauli said, always the voice of reason. 

“Not doing anything.” Adam said playfully, “Just drink'n” 

“I think.... I am not sure.” Sauli said looking up at Adam's face as it dropped. “Don't know if it's too soon?” 

“Like I said, just drink'n, want me to move my hand?” Adam said as he kissed Sauli's forehead. 

“No, but... Don't know. M' drunk. You know what I'm like when drunk.” Sauli caught Adam smirking, “don't wanna do anything we regret.” 

Adam moved his hand making Sauli groan in disappointment, his hand no longer painfully close to Sauli's groin but now playing with his hair. “Whatever you want. I do want to stay over though? If that's okay?” 

Sauli nodded, his eyes closing enjoying Adam playing with his hair and having this man back for the night. “No sex. My heart can't.” 

Adam nodded, “lets go up to your room and we can put a movie on.” 

“Okay.” Sauli went to stand up and felt the room spin, his whole weight falling on to Adam. “Sorry.” he slurred. 

Adam laughed. “You've definitely had too much.” He stood up and pulled Sauli up supporting him, “but you're still gorgeous.” Adam lead Sauli into the elevator and kissed him as they were going up a few floors to the room Sauli was staying in. 

\--- 

After about half an hour of kissing and not really watching the movie Adam looked over at the beautiful blonde who had suddenly fallen to sleep. He planted a kiss on Sauli's lips and pulled the cover up to cover both of their naked chests. Neither of the liked sleeping with tops on, which only made Adam want Sauli even more that night. However even though he knew it would be amazing, it would be a bad idea, he knew Sauli was hurting still from how he cried whilst kissing Adam before he slept and Adam really didn't want to hurt him any more. “I'm sorry,” Adam said before placing another soft kiss on Sauli's lips making him smile in his sleep. “Goodnight.” He held Sauli all night, and woke up every time the younger man would move. He didn't want to admit that he was hurting too, but he didn't want Sauli to leave him. Even though the break up had been mutual, neither of them wanted it. He fell to sleep thinking he had to fix it, somehow. 

\---

Sauli opened his eyes, the bright light peeking through the curtains and hitting him square in the face. He felt the room spinning and then realised there was a man next to him. Not just any man, but Adam. Damn, he felt sick and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He did not feel sick because of Adam, although the thought of anything happening and what he could've said the night before filled him with worry and made him hope that Adam too could not remember. 

“Honey?” He heard a hoarse voice calling from the bedroom, “are you okay?” 

Sauli moaned and poked his head out, “Yeah. Fine.” He rinsed out his mouth and went and sat on the bed next to a half asleep Adam, who'd woken up with morning glory. Sauli tried not to look at the fabric tented, instead he put the TV on and began to watch the news. “We didn't did we?” He asked, hoping that they hadn't. It wasn't that he didn't want to, he did, but they were exes now. No longer lovers, they were nothing... Just friends. 

“No, we didn't.” Adam replied sounding a little hurt by the tone and inclination at which Sauli asked. “I undressed you, put you to bed, we watched a bit of TV and then you fell to sleep on me. Just like the old times.” 

Sauli bit back, “Old times. Not now.” His voice sounding a little more harsh than he intended it to. “Adam, we can't just pretend like this is okay. We aren't together any more. Last night, I remember kissing you. We kissed I know that, we kissed a lot. That shouldn't have happened.” He said a little hurt at his own words, a little hurt that he could even say this to Adam. 

“I'm sorry Sunshine.” Adam said getting out of bed and going to the bathroom. “I will go, I was hoping you would come to the next gig with me.” 

“I can't.” Sauli called. “Work.” He was free to cry now because he knew just how harsh his words sounded and Adam was seemingly out of ear shot. However between sobs he heard very similar sounds coming from the bathroom, and knew Adam was crying. He pulled some jogging bottoms on and a hoodie on over the top of his t-shirt and walked out the hotel room. Sauli cared for Adam more than he had cared for anyone he had ever known, and couldn't stand hearing the man he still loved hurting like that because of him. 

\--- 

By the time Sauli got back to the hotel Adam had gone and had left a note as well as a ticket to the LA gig on the bed. “I'm sorry. Please let me make it up to you, I will book you a room in the same hotel as Brian, Roger and I and you don't even have to see me after the gig. Just come, and have a good time. Sorry Sauli. A.” Sauli saw that Adam had written two kisses after the end of the message like he used to in all of the cards and letters that he had written him. His heart broke into a thousand more pieces, he didn't think he could hurt any more than when they broke up but it was like they had again. He had no idea what to say or do, deep down he know he had to see Adam again to apologise for being a heartless idiot but he didn't know if it was best for both of them. 

\--- 

After packing and driving to the airport, Sauli finally stopped crying and messaged Adam back. “Sorry. I am postponing my flight. Meet me later?” 

It took barely a minute for Adam to text back. “Okay. Where?” 

The conversation went back and forth for a few minutes, and they arranged to see each other at a bar in West Hollywood that Adam frequented quite a lot when he was home. Adam smiled a crooked smile at the message with the address and time on, and Sauli's heart flipped at the thought of seeing his Adam again and making him smile. Or at least trying to after last night. 

\---

Sauli booked into the same hotel for another night, and got ready. It wasn't a date it he treated it like it was, he wanted to spoil Adam for being so caring the night before and not taking advantage of him or letting Sauli's drunken moments get the better of him. In the day he had been shopping in Burbank and picked up a gorgeous shirt, and a few other little things to make him look stunning and smell it too. He remembered Adam wearing a particular aftershave the last time they were together, so when he saw a bottle of it when he picked up his favourite he grabbed Adam one too. As a sorry of course. As he splashed cold water on his face after shaving he couldn't help but smile, and think he looked good. The last touch was to add a little aftershave to his beautifully moisturised and tanned skin, call an uber then he was ready to leave and meet Adam. 

\--- 

As he walked into the hotel and got into the lift to the bar on the top floor his stomach was flipping like crazy. Sauli hoped that Adam wasn't there yet just so he could grab a drink and relax a little before everything happened. He wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen or not, but he needed some time to relax first. 

At first glance across the bar he didn't spot Adam so made his way to the bar. The one thing that he love most about this place was that it has the most gorgeous view across what seemed like all of LA, Adam had taken him to the Skybar a few years back and ever since it was there hang out. A lot of the time they would end up staring into the distance at the flickering lights of the city, and appreciating the beauty of it all before appreciating any other beauty later on that night. But this place, despite all of that has some brilliant memories for Sauli, and Adam. 

Sauli ordered his drink and started to sip it whilst leaning against the bar, then he saw Adam. He had either arrived way before Sauli or just as he was ordering but he was not alone. He could only see part of the other persons face, but Adam seemed very friendly. “Fucking typical.” He mumbled under his breath and stormed over to Adam with every intention of saying something to the him about how he was just supposed to be meeting him and if he wanted to bring someone else then he would have liked to know first. Even though it wasn’t a date. 

“Sauli!” Adam said smiling and standing up, “I didnt know if you were going to show up. How long have you been here?” He asked noticing that Sauli had already drank most of his drink. Another thing about Sauli was that then he was angry, or annoyed, when he was drinking then he would almost immediately down his drink and then go off on a rant about the subject or person that annoyed him. 

“Oh!” Sauli mumbled as he saw the person who Adam was talking to properly. “No, not long. Dutch courage I guess.” He said laughing nervously before turning the other man. “How've you been, kitty?” 

Tommy laughed. “Good, I hear you're a big shot now. Adam's been telling me all about the modelling and TV shows. Go you!” He said punching Sauli lightly on the arm. “Anyway, my friends will be wondering where I got to or who I'm chatting up now. So I will have to get back to them, but we need to skype or something soon? Deal?” 

“Yeah, sounds good.” Sauli said smiling and giving Tommy a hug. “I'll let you know when I get back to Finland,” 

Tommy kissed Sauli on the cheek, and went back to his friends. “Oh, something I don't know about?” Adam inquired. 

“No, just Tommy helped with a few things after we broke up.” Adam raised his eyebrow knowing how free Tommy was with certain things, labels included. “No. nothing like that. God, Adam, he's like a brother to me.” Adam laughed at how defensive Sauli had gotten, and knew that Tommy wouldn't have ever done that, with him anyway. He knew the stories of the drunken nights where Tommy had received blowjobs. handjobs and many kisses from men but he put that down to alcohol making him horny and nothing more. 

“So he gets a hug, and I don't then?” Adam smiled cheekily as he took a sip of what looked like a triple shot of straight vodka. 

“Of course you do, you've always been in the queue for them.” Sauli smiled back embracing Adam tightly taking in his scent. “About this morning, I'm sorry.” 

“Shh... It's okay. Understandable. Sorry I left. Just thought you didn't want me there.” Adam admitted looking down a little before taking another sip of his drink. “Glad you messaged me though.” 

“Well honestly, it was my fault. You didn't force me to drink anything, and I know how I get. I just... I guess...” Sauli's voice suddenly got much quieter and unclear, “I didn't want to make myself think things were normal again.” 

Adam knew exactly what Sauli meant by normal, and this, what they were now definitely didn't feel normal to him either. Well if that was the word they were using. “I thought about that too. Do you not remember anything?” Sauli shook his head, “I... I don't know what this is. I mean, you know me Sauli. You know I'm a mess ninety percent of the time, and you know how to keep me balanced. Without that, I have just been... I've been thinking of you a lot.” 

“But you didn't text me? Or call?” Sauli replied cautiously and in a slightly confused tone. 

“Yeah, I thought you needed space. Time. Whatever you needed, to forget. Because that would've been best.” Adam said pulling a slightly awkward face. 

“Been thinking of you too.” Sauli smiled as he felt Adam's hand on his. 

“We're idiots.” Adam laughed realising they'd both been thinking and feeling the same. “What're we going to do about this?” This meaning the whole lets break up because the distance is killing us situation. Sauli shrugged and mumbled something that Adam could barely hear, but Adam leant in and kissed his forehead anyway. “ No idea what to do any more. I think you're always going to have a little part of me.” 

“You too. I mean I don't know how to make this work.” They both kept saying this, rather than us because they worked. Something about both of them always worked but this was the situation. The situation that sounded crazy now, especially now Adam was about to start a tour with Queen and Sauli's own stuff was just starting to get a little crazy in it's own right. 

“How about we just be casual? If we want someone, we talk to the other person first?” 

Sauli scrunched up his face and shrugged. 

“Yeah, don't think I could either. I just don't know.” Adam admitted. 

Sauli nodded and thought a little before trying to explain what he thought, “what about we just play it cool, no labels, just whatever feels right?” 

“So.... yeah.” Adam smiled. 

Their conversation drifted in and out of topics for a few hours, between staring at the city lights and at each other, before either of them realised that it was almost midnight. “Fuck, should've booked a room here. I've got to get an uber back to Burbank.” Sauli sighed. 

“You don't have to. We could go back to mine? No expectations, you can even stay in another bedroom if you want, just it would be easier and quicker?” Adam offered. 

“Yeah, okay.” Sauli smiled and kissed Adam's cheek. “Thanks.” 

Sauli walked into Adam's apartment and looked around, he knew how Adam was with house keeping so was shocked when only after a few steps in through the door he stumbled over a pair of Adams shoes. Normally Adam was one of these people who thought that everything had its place and if something had been moved he would notice. Sauli remembered the one time that he tried to weird Adam out by testing this theory and seeing how long it would take him to realise that he had moved a sculpture, it was less than 10 seconds after walking into the room for the record. Sauli scoffed and shrugged his jacket off throwing it neatly on the sofa. "Sure you don't mind me staying here?" He asked as Adam rummaged behind the cushions of the sofa for the remote.  

"Of course I don't. Would be nice to cook you breakfast in the morning, I've missed cooking for two." Adam admitted as he brandished the remote like a sword being drawn from its sheath. "Here, find something to watch. Do you want a drink?" He handed over the remote after pressing a few buttons on it to turn the TV on.  

"What do you have?" Sauli shouted calling after Adam who had wondered into the kitchen.  

"Whatever you want Sunshine?" 

Sauli scoffed, "helpful as usual. Got a beer?" 

Adam wondered out of the kitchen with two Buds in his hands, both already cracked open and ready to be drunk. "Good choice." Adam said sitting on the sofa close to Sauli, but not too close. They'd said they were going to try again but Adam didn't want to push it, so like a teenager he placed his hand on the cushion between then and hoped Sauli would hold it.  

"Mind moving that?" Sauli gestured at Adam's hand making him slightly disappointed for a few seconds, "mind if I lay on you?" He asked, and when Adam's only response was a smile and a nod he knew that he could lay back and get comfortable. Sauli took one last sip of his drink before placing it on the table and placed his head on Adam's lap. 

As he lay there he couldn't help but smile as one of Adam's hands started playing with his hair, something Adam always used to do when they were watching a movie and for some reason it always used to make Sauli fall to sleep. Not tonight though, he had something on his mind and couldn't keep it in any longer. "This thing, us, I know we aren't labelling it but does it come with all the perks of everything? Y'know, everything?" 

Adam laughed. "If you want it to," he leant down and kissed Sauli's ear, as it was the only part of Sauli that he could reach comfortably. "Why, do you want to?" 

Sauli felt the blush rising in his cheeks and was sure Adam could feel him getting warmer from it. "If you want, maybe, yeah." He said stumbling his words.  

"And you're not going to regret it?" Adam asked remembering the fiasco that morning.  

"Don't think so." He said sitting up and looking at Adam, "however I may regret things I am going to say, like I still love you Lambert." The last little bit was slightly mumbled but Adam knew what he had said and smiled before giving him a kiss.  

"You too. Still and always will." Adam replied wrapping an arm around Sauli and pulling him in for another kiss, this one deeper than the last.  

Both of them kept stopping and looking at each other, Adam had forgotten how much he loved Sauli's beautiful blue eyes and Sauli had forgotten how amazing the touch of Adam's lips against his felt. "You okay?" Adam asked.  

"Yeah, better than okay. Just think'n." Adam cocked an eyebrow as if to ask what Sauli was thinking, "Just if you wanted to, y'know, move into the bedroom?" 

Adam smiled and kissed Sauli's forehead before standing up and offering the other man his hand. "If you're sure then I would love to move into the bedroom." 

Sauli took Adam's hand and almost pulled Adam back down onto him before standing up properly. "Of course I'm sure. Oh, I have something for you before then." Sauli remembered he had got Adam some of his favourite aftershave, so rummaged in his bag first before following his love into the bedroom.  

"I got you this." Sauli said handing over a bag containing the aftershave. "It is the right one isn't it?" 

"It's perfect, you're perfect." Adam smiled spritzing the room a little. "Coming to bed, wear whatever you want or ... Well you know, wear nothing if you wish." 

Sauli lay down still fully clothed and rolled onto his side staring at Adam, the way the lamp light illuminated his skin made it look even more flawless than usual. No little scars or dimples from the acne Adam had as a teenager. Nothing. Just perfect. He moved Adam's head over to where his lay and kissed the other man with high intent, he had no idea what had changed but he was horny as hell. A few hours ago he swore to himself that they'd do nothing that night, but now he was back at Adam's and laying on the bad with the man he loved he couldn't help but think. “Vittu,” he mumbled under his breath as he felt Adam’s hand on the back of his neck pulling him into a kiss. 

Adam knew just what Sauli's meant and just how Sauli's felt from that kiss, they both wanted the same thing but he was waiting for Sauli's to make the first move after all of the kissing with that morning on his mind. “Sauli, are you sure?” 

Sauli's nodded and kissed Adam deeply again, his hand drifting up the back of Adam’s t-shirt pulling him closer so if they were naked it would be skin on skin.He broke the kiss pulling his arm back, and rolling onto his back creating just enough space between them so he could unbutton each button before pulling it off. He noticed Adam’s eyes widen as the beautiful Finn began undressing before his very eyes, and Adam followed suit taking off his t-shirt. “You're beautiful, Adam. I haven't been able to get you out my head, it's been so painful without you there.” 

“Not leaving again, not ever.” Adam kissed Sauli's neck, nipping at his soft skin carefully not to create any marks that would be visible. He could hear Sauli's getting more and more carried away as his mouth got lower with the kisses, eventually taking his nipples in his mouth in turn. His tongue swirling. His teeth biting. Everything he knew Sauli loved he did, and he did it well. Well enough to make Sauli squirm and enough to give the lover underneath him get slightly hard in his pants. 

“Sä oot niin hyvä, I've missed you so much!” Each word strung out between moans, Sauli pulled Adam back up and kissed him. “I love you Lambert.” 

“You love me, or you love how I'm making you feel?” Sauli shook his head and used his weight to push Adam over onto his back, and climbed on top of his. 

“Both.” He scoffed, unbuttoning Adam's trousers underneath him before moving slightly to pull them down as well as the tight briefs Adam was wearing as well. As the soft lyrca allowed Adam’s length to break free Sauli licked his lips, “Love that too.” He said leaning forward and kissing a nearly naked Adam. 

"Socks." Adam mumbled as the friction between his naked length and Sauli's trousers made him even more hard. Adam had always had a rule, no sock to bed unless it was stupidly cold and then if there was an exception made then Adam would always make sure they came off before sex. It’s one thing that always made Sauli giggle. 

“As if I'd forget,” Sauli said moving himself down Adam’s body with kisses and licks, stopping just at the root of Adam’s shaft making the man sigh. Eventually Sauli got down to his feet and took off the other man’s socks. Before standing up on the bed over Adam and pulling his trousers and pants down, showing himself off completely to the other man. They had only been apart for a month or so and Sauli’s thing was to work out to take his mind off things so he had started to build muscle on his legs, and on other areas. Adam saw everything and was so happy with everything he saw, always had been and that wasn’t going to change anytime soon. Sauli took his socks off and then lay by the side of the naked man, pulling him over onto his side so he could wind his waist creating friction whilst kissing the man. 

“Sauli, I want… Want to fuck you. Hear you come undone underneath me.” 

“Well do it then.” Sauli said grabbing Adam’s arse. 

“Do you want to?” Adam said looking into the beautiful blue eyes the were like deep pools that he got lost in every time. 

“Mmm…” Sauli moaned as he kissed Adam shutting him up before he could say anything else. 

Adam rolled Sauli onto his back, and pinned him down kissing every inch of him. His teeth surprising Sauli between kisses as he made his way down the beautifully toned body of the Finn, Adam stared at the twitching cock of the other man as he got closer. His fingers running up Sauli’s thigh as he lay between them. Adam wanted Sauli to almost beg for it, well at least ask for it so began to tease him. His tongue barely touching Sauli as he licked all of the shining pre-come off the length before blowing lightly making the man shiver. After all of the times they'd had sex, Adam knew just what drove Sauli crazy and was going to pull everything out the bag. He tugged on Sauli’s balls as he licked his length again. 

A few minutes of this and the man was chanting “Vittu” under his breath, and even though Adam tried to learn Finnish one summer he never quite picked it up. He knew he should, especially for these moments when Sauli would get that lost in his own head that his words would swap between Finnish and English. Sauli back arched as Adam started taking him in his mouth, “Vittu Adam, fuck.” His body flailed for a few seconds, oh how he loved the things Adam could do when he wasn’t being an idiot and teasing him. 

However the pleasure was short lived when Adam let Sauli’s cock fall out of his mouth “Good?” As if he really had to ask that with the noises Sauli was making along with the twitching that his whole body was making. 

“You've got to be serious?” Sauli bit back, pushing Adam back to his cock. 

“No Sauli, I’m going to fuck you until you come. You won’t be coming in my mouth today.” Adam said licking Sauli’s length again making him gasp. 

“Lakkaa kiusaamasta mua, Lambert,” Sauli almost shouted with desperation. 

“You know I don't know what you're saying, want something then tell me baby.” Adam laughed. 

“Quit it, just fuck me. Quit teasing me, else I will just get myself off and make you watch because I fucking need you inside me right now.” Sauli spoke with almost an animalistic tone, and grit to his voice that got down into Adam in the darkest way. 

Adam bit his lip and crawled up Sauli’s body, looking him dead in the eye, “well roll over then pretty boy.” He laughed. 

Sauli could be the best top when he wanted to be, but he could also be the most beautiful submissive man when he was like this. It's one thing Adam loved about their sex life, many people thought that Adam played one role because of his larger stature but this wasn't always the case. Adam smiled as he saw his lover role over. He licked his lips and couldn't help but tell Sauli how beautiful he looked like that. He slipped open the draw next to his bed and took out a bottle of lube and a condom, “oh baby, spread yourself for me.” Adam instructed as he rubbed lube around his fingers. 

Adam slowly inserted one finger feeling Sauli tighten up around his finger, “Vittu!” Sauli arched his back and prayed that Adam wasn’t going to keep teasing. Shortly the second finger was pushed in and then a third, Sauli felt a burn but it was one of those burns that was a mix of pleasure and pain, the type of burn that was fucking amazing. Adam started vigorously fingering Sauli underneath him. “Want you… Inside me… Please…” 

Adam didn't need anything more, his cock solid as a rock from working the other man underneath him and sneakily working himself a little too so he was ready for Sauli to take him. He withdrew his fingers from Sauli and slid the condom on his own length before easing himself into Sauli. Barely in Sauli, Adam stabled himself and gave himself a few moments. If Sauli asked when they were cuddling anything about this he would say that he wanted to make sure Sauli wasn’t being over worked, but the truth was he had forgotten how tight Sauli was even when he had been worked a little. “So tight. You feel so good,” Adam tried to speak as he started thrusting in and out, getting deeper and changing the angle a little so he could stroke Sauli’s sweet spot with his cock yet reach to work Sauli cock too. His boy wanted to be fucked, and that was exactly what he was going to do and he was going to do it right. 

Sauli forgot how good Adam felt inside of him, he tried to think of it when he was touching himself but it was no where near as good. His whole body reacted to the other man being inside of him, “fuck,” he moaned as he felt Adam speed up. “Fuck,” it was almost a chant in time with the thrusts and pumping, “Aaaaadam, so close baby!” 

Adam felt Sauli twinging as he got close to orgasm, and could hear the difference in sounds he was making. Instead of the primal moaning, Sauli's moans were erratic and had no set pitch. Every now and again Sauli let out a high pitched squeak between moans, and then suddenly he went quiet, his whole body spasming and his hole squeezing Adam slightly tighter than he was already and then he flopped onto the bed falling into his own mess. Adam withdrew himself still hard and wanting some release he looked at Sauli laying there struggling to breathe. “Good?” 

“So. Good. Let me…. A minute, and you're mine.” Sauli spoke between breaths. 

“Sure? I can…” He took the condom off himself and tied it, throwing it in the waste paper bin next to his bed and placed his hand around his own cock took whilst laying next to Sauli and began stroking himself. 

“No, I want to.” Sauli was slowing getting his breath back. “May need to move though.” Sauli found his last reserves of energy and moved up the bed and sat against the headboard. “C’mere and fuck my mouth big boy.” He said cheekily and patted his lap. 

Adam moved in front of Sauli’s mouth on his knees and watched the beautiful Finn take him in his mouth. As sauli’s tongue worked Adam, swirling around the head of Adam’s cock and then deep throating everything Adam is. He gripped the headboard as Sauli brought him so close, “I'm going to… Soon” 

Sauli looked up at Adam and saw his head thrown back and his chest rising and falling at a rapid rate, he grabbed Adam’s balls in his hand and started rolling them in his fingers knowing this was going to be all Adam needed.and he was right, a few minutes later Adam released his load down Sauli's throat and Sauli took every drop. 

Adam relaxed back on the bed and lay snuggling Sauli for the rest of the night. They spoke a little about nothing in particular, the type of meaningful but pointless conversation every couple has at stupid o'clock in the morning after mind blowing sex but before they fell to sleep Adam hoped that in the morning Sauli wasn't going to regret what had happened, because he hadn't. He still loved that man. 

Sauli looked over at Adam just after he came and loved the beautiful flushed cheeks and fluttering eyelashes of the other man, it was one thing that told him he had done a good job. “Baby, thank you.” He said before Adam mumbled something and Sauli laughed. He knew that in the morning he was going to be happy to wake up next to this man again, and hoped that Adam would make him breakfast like he used to. His missed everything about this man and sex was only a very small part of it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Finnish Translation:
> 
> "Vittu" - Fuck.  
> "Lakkaa kiusaamasta mua" - Stop teasing me.  
> "Sä oot niin hyvä" - You're so good.


End file.
